Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
