My room smells like vodka and shame
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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