dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
