why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
