How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
