forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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