take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
