That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
