found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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