Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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