FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
there is glitter all over my balls
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
