operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
