there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize