If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
