The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
