drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
