Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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