you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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