I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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