Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
