I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
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this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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