is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
