Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
