you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
