He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
