So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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