and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
