billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
