ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
