I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
