never play flip cup with pint glasses
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
