is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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