We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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