I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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