He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
