I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
In America we eat man semen.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
