I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
