my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Are we still banned from the library?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
