JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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