I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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