I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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