I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
