so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
