Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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