i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
