Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
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It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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