I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
