Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
