the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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