i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
