If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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