rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
