I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
