Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
