I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
