I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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