I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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