I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
