I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
