I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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