I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
