Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
