I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also, beer. Big fan.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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