I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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