i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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