Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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