yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
