We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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