the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
