I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
