she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
