I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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