you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
