Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
