He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
