im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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